Parking Chaos Continues
Council leaders have put into place punitive punishments for bad parking. Council spokesman Jon Toole said 'We believe our automated parking violation officers will add to the battle against congestion in the town centre'. But opponents have voiced concerns against the so-called 'Death Droid'
'Bring me your first born for slaughter' MP doesn't say
Local MP Dirk Potasheman made the sartling omission in his speech to activists this week. The talk covered austerity, jobs and health, but not sacrificing babies to the immortal dark lord. "I would never do that" said Potasheman.
Boiled Sweet Epidemic
With over three wrappers found over a bank holiday weekend. Campaigner Wendy Weekes said 'This sort of thing is harming our children. I worry kids will gather these over forty or fifty years, knit them all together and use them as a parachute for thrills.'
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Cartoon Pirate Ban 'Working' says Police Chief
It is now six months since Cartoon Pirates were banned from the main shopping area in town, and apart from three incidents of animated treasure plundering, it has been a success.
Plants to be given vote
In a further move to equality, plants are to be given the vote in local elections.
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