LOCAL NEWSv1

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'Bring me your first born for slaughter' MP doesn't say

Local MP Dirk Potasheman made the sartling omission in his speech to activists this week. The talk covered austerity, jobs and health, but not sacrificing babies to the immortal dark lord. "I would never do that" said Potasheman.

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Boiled Sweet Epidemic

With over three wrappers found over a bank holiday weekend. Campaigner Wendy Weekes said 'This sort of thing is harming our children. I worry kids will gather these over forty or fifty years, knit them all together and use them as a parachute for thrills.'

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Cartoon Pirate Ban 'Working' says Police Chief

It is now six months since Cartoon Pirates were banned from the main shopping area in town, and apart from three incidents of animated treasure plundering, it has been a success.

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Photos Box

Plants to be given vote

In a further move to equality, plants are to be given the vote in local elections.

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Aenean Quis Dignissim Diam

Vulputate ac sit aenean quis dignissim diam. Etiam venenatis congue velit, varius gravida mi volutpat ac. Sed ut pretium dolor. Etiam tempor felis ac eros dictum quis consectetur dolor tristique. Aliquam scelerisque, odio vel luctus commodo, nisl nisl vehicula metus, ut lobortis eros sem blandit est.

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