Dangerous Shed Sales Alert

Local people have been alerted to the sales of sheds on local websites, precariously placed on cliff edges, next to sewerage outlets or in one case, balanced on a church spire.

Vicar's outlandish beliefs branded 'living in a fantasy land'

A man who has been preaching love, equality and tolerance for all has been judged to be living in a candy floss filled alternative dimension by local councillors this week. Whacky Vicar Bill Pugh

Yo-Yo Festival

Visitors to the town were entertained by top Yo-Yo expert Yunis Melon at the Boggs Cafe this week. 'It was like he weaved a spell on a plastic ball and it seemed to come back to him every time' said one onlooker

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Love life can be improved by variety - Claim

Single Local Man, Clive Fellows, has announced via his newsletter that 'sleeping with ugly men can enhance a woman's sex life'. Fellows, who lives alone spoke from his aromatic basement by webcam to the world this week and is willing to give up his spare time to help.

Local Man Speaks With Animals

Gavin Dolittle, Local zoo keeper, has discovered he can communicate with everything from ants to elephants. "I had a bang on the head, and now all creatures converse with me. Dolittle says they are abusive, racist and generally objectionable. 'If people knew what the creatures said, there'd be a fight'

Food in restaurant 'edible'.

Over joyed Turkish restaurant owner Imir Kahn has praised the anonymous critic who has labeled his restaurant service and food 'bearable'. This is an upgrade from the previous 'disgusting' rating last year after a previous critic was found deceased in the sorbet

Plump People Protest

Prejudice is common in society but one segregation is almost unnoticed. The Plump. Now those portly personages are to fight back with a protest through the town centre. Starting at Wallins' Cakes, past (slowly) Dawn's Doughnuts and finishing in Fredich's Food Hall.

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Area chosen to host nuclear radiation sickness experiment

Local Councillors and MPs have been celebrating that the local area has been chosen to test the effects and longevity of radiation sickness by leaking radioactive waste equivalent to ten nuclear blasts 'It will create jobs and boost science'

Council Office to be relocated in hot air balloon to save money

Controversy as council services are to be coordinated by an unmoored hot air balloon. This replaces the previous idea of a impenetrable steel orb, which was to roll through the town, scything through all who stood in its' way.

Amanda's puzzles

Due to teh break up of her relationship AManda has been unable to create any of her puzzles this week, save for the puzzle she has created for local forensic services, to which she and she alone is suspected of having the answers.

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