BBC 1 - 8:30pm

Poke Me

Quiz show from the makes of 'Who Wants to Owe A Million Quid?'. A number of celebrities are sat on stools, blindfolded and members of the public can poke them with brooms, sticks, poles and other lengthy items, whilst the 'stars' must identify which animal the faeces on the end of the stick came from.
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BBC2 - 9pm

Lesser Known Handel.

Much is known of teh messiah and Water music, but did you know he was also the writer of many obscene limericks? In this documentary we explore the young fellow from China, the man named O'Toole and the woman with the glass bowl. With thanks to the National Musuem of Literature, Peckham.

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ITV 1 - 8pm

Up My Ladder

3rd series of the quiz show where contestants climb a ladder, attached to each step is a question. Should they get teh question right they can ascend another stap, but should they fail they will find their ladder suddenly totally unsafe and they are made to fall into a fiery pit below and forever burn in the cauldron of Wrong. With Dermot O'Leary.

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Channel 4 - 10pm

Rolling News

News, unbridled and uncensored, covering all the happenings and events everywhere including that one which everyone is talking about at the moment despite the attempts to paint it in the opposite way to whcih it actually is with people on site ane experts in the studio really giving it some in the highly informed opinion stakes.

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Disgusting Channel

Pasta Mastication

Continuing the eating motif which has been featured for the last few weeks, tonights meal is pasta in cheese sauce. Film of people eating pasta, from the adroit to the clumsy, and groundbreaking camera work inside the mouth as chewing and mashing happens turning the shapes into a digestable pate. Read More

24/7 Complaints

Top Quality Gripes

Best of the weeks' complaints sent in by viewers about all manner of transgressions of taste, decency and prejudice. This weeks' star complaint is a Mr haines of Stoke, who says there are simply not enough pigeons in leading roles on television, and a Mrs Drewy from Aberdeen who says Ant McPartlin turned her into a newt.

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Nostalgia +

Chez Cheese

Silent comedian Chez Cheese has seen a return to popularity the last few years, with his classic Chez and the Lion Pit, where our hero is mauled by fierce African carnivores. As this week is the centenary of his death, Nostalgia + presents a 24hr feast of Chez, featuring all his films, interviews and his strange disappearance duting the filing of 'Lions Pit'.

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Hummus TV XTRA

The Ranch

Drama set in a hummus factory. All the drama, action and adventure involved in the production of crushed chick peas. The only drama where chickpeas headlines! Tonight, Hose is on the trail of someone who put too much crushed salsa into the spicy hummus, and uncovers a sinister plot involving drugs, sex, murder, corruption and taramasalata.

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Troubled Teen TV

What is it now? What do you want? You don't know anything about me! You don't care! You're old and stupid! Can I borrow £10?

Reality show where a camera is surgically attached to a teenager and thus we are invted to a world of gripes and entitlement from a first person angle, obvs.

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FruitBowl Coverage

Bananas

Relaxing video of fruit played twenty four hours a day. Today, a banana is placed in a fruitbowl and via slowed down video slowly we watched it shrivel and rot in the bowl. Accompianed by slow, mournful music written by Sting, this channel won the Fruit TV award 3 tines running. Tomorrow Guam.

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Open Theatre

Appendicitis

Our team lurk in parks and public gardens waiting for people who look vaguely ill and leap on them to perform surgery using rudimentary twigs and balms found about the park. This week, a Chartered Survetor from Oxford has an unexpected appendectomy when using a short cut to Pret A Mange.

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Gingerbread Playhouse

A Street called Desire

The only channel in the world recreating iconic movies using gingerbread figures. Today Tennesee Williams story of loss and personal tragedy in New Orleans, a story of life on the other side of the tracks, of what might have been, as Stanley comforts Blanche, whose tears roll down from her raisin coloured eyes.

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Disco Fever

24hr Disco Tunes

Back to the days of lip smackin', finger snappin', body movin', dancefloor shakin', hot feet tappin', thunder strikin', eye catchin', beat enjoyon', over doin', limb disarticulatin', slip fallin', mega embarrassin', staff resussitatin', hospital treatin', family visitin', bad news receivin', out patients departin', difficuly rememberin', needing carin' Disco!

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Olivia Colman

Olivia Doing Shopping

Cameras placed in covert places follow Olivia Colman around to make sure her acting is based on skill and hard work and not a deal with the Dark Lord Satan. Today she attempts to dodge the lens on a visit to Aldi to buy some dog food, not realising that our cameras are EVERYWHERE and she cannot escape our gaze!

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Fanciful Notions

John Dukes

On the channel which gives you brand new inventions every day from the latest & most innovative unknown inventors seeking funding. Tonight John Dukes shows us his Baked Bean counting device. Ever thought 'there's not many beans in this tin'? He shows you how to find out the precise number of beans in his BEANOMETER

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Mounds TV

Dorset Five Marys

Burial mounds exist throughout the UK. Mainly neolithic in origin, they contain vital evidence about that period in history and give insight into our beginnings altering our perception of ourselves. Graham Norton invites celebrities to point at the mounds whilst promoting their latest project and talking about funny things their cat does.

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