Headline Edition

Scientists Finally Perfect Frankenstein Vegetables.

Scientists have finally managed to grow vegetables which taste like the real thing. These are a tremendous advancement on the previous artificial versions which were made out of papier mache and lacked the texture and taste of the traditional item. Even with gravy.

The revolutionary breakthrough means no longer will people have to eat vegetables grown in the natural way.

“With society moving to more anti-cruelty methodologies, it seemed to us that pulling the vegetables out of the ground was old fashioned. With the new lab versions, there’s none of that brutality. The veg is grown and selected without the need for the wanton violence pulling them up out of the soil or picking them off the main plant involves.”.

Cruelty to vegetables in the production process has been a subject many people have become concerned with. One campaigner said “We have videos of greengrocers throwing vegetables across the shops, putting vegetables on the shelf next to other vegetables they clearly clash with, and instances of sarcasm towards certain shapes; I am talking cucumbers and melons particularly. This should stop this barbarism.” she said.

The vegetables will be available in your supermarket in special radioactive proof wrapping. The glow is the healthy goodness seeping out. At £12.99 for a cucumber, it’s the sensible choice”