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Shopping centre 'badly thought out, expensive disaster', says report

A ambitious scheme to give shoppers the chance to shop underwater has met with a snag. “After months of no foot fall, we have to admit the whole thing is a failure” said Arthur Dullard, head of operations before putting on his snorkel to return to the office.

The multi-billion pound venture was to be the first multi-outlet mall situated on the ocean floor, but designers and those investing neglected the one draw back to the scheme; people can’t breathe underwater.

The shops and services did have initial interest, but staff found the commute to the bottom of the sea to be arduous and parking almost impossible. Many have given up working there, and some have given up living completely.

Staff have also complained that stock tends to float off the shelves and out of the door according to tidal trends. “It’s one thing to stop a shop lifter” said one disgruntled Shop Worker “it’s another to try and fundamentally alter any of the cyclic deformations of one astronomical body caused by the gravitational forces exerted by others to stop my spouts floating out of the door.”

There has been also the disappointing lack of consumer interest. “It’s mostly fish, browsing” said Dullard “We did have an octopus looking at a Samsung, but he was a time waster”