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Researchers dismiss 'difficult decision' hypothesis

Rachel Smite, from the Royal Institute of Investigating Things told us “The thing is there are actually difficult decisions, but what we found is that Politicians are just considering things in the round, and then doing exactly the same thing they did before”.

The research, based over 50 years, show every difficult decision to come to the same conclusion.

“A difficult decision” said another research specialist “is not how I would term it. I would term it being a bastard”. Being a bastard though is not something that readily gets votes. Ivan Holheim from the Institute of Things Which Get Votes told us “Normally a politician will spin a load of old crap to the electorate and they voters eat it up and voila, decision made. We can see this with the decisions to kick disabled people in the balls or chase them over marshland. It’s a choice. A decision. But being a right bastard is not a decision, it’s a policy which has already been made. But if you or I stood up and said ‘Vote for me, I am going to be a complete and utter ****’ it’s unlikely we’d get many votes.”

But candidate Adolf Wonk disagrees. “Promising to crush all under your authoritarian jackboot goes down well with some votes” he said “Some people just need to be crushed into a pulp. To be punished for things they never did by a sadistic, power hungry maniac whose only mandate promise he intends to keep is to heap pain and suffering indiscriminately onto those who are socially beneath. That’s what being a Liberal Democrat is all about”