☰   Search
The Date and Time Is Now That is all we know.
Satire. This is Satire.

Headline Edition

Unreliable News from An Unreliable Source

Gardening Couple dig up Porn in Garden

A Dorking gardening enthusiast had an unexpected piece of luck when tending to his duties last night. Harry Tring, 25, was busy with his wife planting his autumn blooms when he came across what can only be described as a pornographic magazine.

Hurriedly taking the find out of its’ plastic wrapping, he verified the age and style of the magazine. The paper quality seemed right for the time it was printed, and the pictures were very much in the styles which were so common back in 2025.

“It’s amazing how styles have changed since last august” said a enthusiastic Mrs Tring “from the phraseology and style of photography to the price.”. Harry then butted in “We took it into the house to examine it in better lighting, and it certainly is genuine” he said “the letters page for instance, there’s references in there which are so 2025”

It’s not the first time Mr Tring has dug up archeological treasure. Last November a heavy frost uncovered a trove of explicit imported hard core DVDs, and in 2024 an entire storage cabinet consisting of VHS tapes which appeared to be part of a bankruptcy sale at a local sex boutique.

“It’s amazing how fertile this land is for pornography” explained Mrs Tring “Harry and I had a joke that perhaps someone was hiding these things here, you know, away from their wife or something. We had quite a good laugh over it, didn’t we, Harry?”

Mr Tring has been onto the British Museum but as yet has not heard back. “I’m not that bothered. It’s a collectors’ item, this. Says so on the cover. These things are just accumulating in value, so my future is safe. I just put it in the cupboard under the stairs with those dildos my wife found under the bathroom sink”.


Weather today: Clouds with apocalyptic rain early, brighter evening