Headline Edition

The campaign to leave a legacy on local citizens by the Mayor has taken a turn today with people only being allowed to use public transport if they can pay the fee and demonstrate a stunning circus act (eating fire, putting their head’s in the mouth of a Lion, running about in big shoes). Advisors are defending the idea but the notion of putting your head under a elephant’s foot in order to board a bus to go three stops is something the public is slightly concerned about, with many hurrying to local stores to purchase pachyderm. “I have a credit card, Oyster card, Apple pay. I never thought I would need to carry a proboscidean. And you can’t leave it in the baggage area.

It’s not the first scheme dreamt up after drinking two bottles of cough mixture to come out of City Hall.

The previous scheme being an audacious scheme to have a world class theme park balanced on two ropes between the Shard and the Gherkin, precariously balancing the close to million tonne fun fair by two pieces of rope. When it was pointed out by safety officials that not only could the public not access the thrills and spills of a modern day state of the art ariel theatre of fun, but should it tip in a high wind it would plummet to the ground taking out thousands of innocent lives. But these fears were quickly replied to by the Mayor who said “Yes”.